


the therapist

by DODO24, Kingborommokat28, pitchperfectfeels, preathfics, WritersBlock109 (orphan_account), WritersBlock109



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Absolute crack fic awesomeness, F/F, This is a goddamn mess but it was really fun to make
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DODO24/pseuds/DODO24, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingborommokat28/pseuds/Kingborommokat28, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitchperfectfeels/pseuds/pitchperfectfeels, https://archiveofourown.org/users/preathfics/pseuds/preathfics, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/WritersBlock109, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritersBlock109/pseuds/WritersBlock109
Summary: Christen and Tobin do couples counseling as best friends because Tobin forgot to cancel her appointments.
Relationships: Christen Press/Shirley Cruz, Shirley Cruz/Tobin Heath, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 17
Kudos: 63





	the therapist

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 1100-word fic that was live-written on the preathfics discord. There are twists. There are turns. There are things to which some of us exclaimed, "OH SHIT" and "HARDT! OH MY GO..." and "OOP" and "omg she used aint 😍." There was no plot to begin with, but we think it worked out. There is also an alternate ending that can be found on the discord.
> 
> Contributiors:   
> DODO24- Most Content  
> pitchperfectfeels & preathfics- 2nd most content + preathfics copy editing & posting   
> Writersblock109-3rd most content  
> Kingborommokat28 + freshtilapia - a couple of incredibly crucial sentences and moral support

"Tobin, this is insane!" 

"Chris, I already paid okay, just help me out."

They end up in a big office with comfortable chairs and a loveseat. Before Christen knows it Tobin has pulled her down into the loveseat. An older woman walks in, greeting them with a sweet smile and introducing herself. “I’m Maryan. You must be Tobin and Shirley, right?"

“Uh, actually..." Christen starts. Tobin elbows her in the ribs. 

"Yep. That's us!"

"Great, welcome. I'm glad you made it today to work on your relationship."

Tobin pulls Christen closer against her side, "That's us, always ready to work on our relationship, right _Shirley_?"

"Oh yes, even when there is 'nothing' to work on, we're ready to work," Christen adds while pinching Tobin's side.

"I sense some hostility, am i right to assume that you don't quite agree on coming here for couples counseling?" Christen wants to facepalm herself hard enough to pass out. 

"Umm yes, i don't necessarily think we need couples counseling, Maryan."

"Well, in my experience, there's usually more to work on than you might realize." Maryan says, knowingly.

"You know, she might be right Chr—Shirley, we should give it a try."

Christen shoots Tobin a look that could sever steel. "Okay, then, honey. Why don't you tell Maryan why you dragged me here?"

Christen smirks when she sees Tobin panic and search for an answer. "It's the sex. Maryan, Shirley doesn't satisfy me sexually." 

"WHAT! Excuse us a second, Maryan." 

Christen gets up and drags Tobin with her to the waiting room. 

"Sex? Really Tobin?" Christen whispers harshly. 

"I panicked, just go with it.”

"Just go with it?! TOBIN you just called me bad in bed in front of a total stranger and we've never even had sex! I'm good in bed, I'll have you know!" Christen says, raising a challenging eyebrow. She walks back into the office, leaving Tobin standing in the hallway, a little slack-jawed.

"Excuse us Maryan, Tobin sometimes feels the need to demonstrate her complete lack of social skills. Our problems aren't sexual, our problems are Tobin's lack of communication and addiction to popcorn."

Just as Tobin is about to counter, the door opens. “Sorry I’m late, the traffic was insane!” 

Everyone freezes and looks at the new figure who has just entered, taking stock of the situation.

Tobin sinks further into the couch as Shirley stares directly through her. “What is she doing here?!” 

“Wait, who are you?” Maryan asks, completely confused.

"I'm Shirley. I’m here for couples therapy, I just didn't know that she was going to be here."

"You told me you guys broke up," Christen whispers to Tobin.

Maryan clears her throat. "I'm sorry, there are two Shirleys?" Looking directly at Tobin she adds, "Did you get them confused?"

"Yes, I mean no. This is Shirley," she says pointing at Shirley, who is still standing near the door. "This is Christen, she is my best friend."

"So, why is Christen here?" Maryan asks curiously.

"Because i'm in love with her dammit! And I don't know how to tell her." Tobin yells out. Immediately after, she turns around to bury her face in the side of the love seat.

"I KNEW IT!" (the real) Shirley snarls.

"Oh shut up Shirley, like you have been faithful," Christen adds with an eye roll.

"Wait, you're in love with me?" Christen asks as if just now realizing what Tobin had said.

Maryan leans over and grabs her phone, calling her receptionist. “Cancel all my appointments for the rest of the day, I’m gonna be here a while.”

"I'm sorry Maryan, this must be a very weird situation for you," Christen says sympathetically. 

"Oh, it's fine. I have had gay couples in my practice before. It's not that unique."

"Tobin, I—" Christen starts, eyes shifting between Tobin—who is looking at her lovingly, Maryan—who, despite her calm words, is looking at her with unabashed excitement, like she's finally fulfilled a career-long goal, and Shirley—who looks a bit like she might murder Christen right here.

"I— I love you too, I just— I never thought you would love me back."

“Okay, sit, all three of you,” Maryan rubs her temples and gestures to a chair for Shirley (the real one) to sit in. 

“Let me get this straight,” she says. “You’re Shirley?“ she points. “And you’re not?” she points at Christen.

"Never say 'let me get this straight' to three women," Shirley corrects. "There is absolutely nothing straight about this situation.”

"Shut up Shirley," Tobin and Christen say in unison.

“Fair,” Maryan says with a smile. “Walk me through how you all know each other. One at a time.”

Tobin protests: "Dude, I ain't got time for that."

“Make time, just like you made time for all your little side flings.” Shirley bites. 

"CHRISTEN IS NOT A SIDE FLING." 

"No, but Shirley is!" Christen smirks.

Maryan looks at them like she’s watching a goddamn telenovela.

Shirley: _cries in Spanish_

"Ladies, ladies, let's calm down for a moment." 

"If you saw how Tobin eats popcorn, you wouldn't call her a lady," Shirley bites back.

"I second that," Christen says. 

Tobin's jaw drops, "You— you agree with Shirley?" 

"About you eating like a cave troll? Yes."

Maryan: "Have you guys considered a threesome? I think you have the right tension going."

“No!” Tobin protests.

“Absolutely not!” Christen joins in.

“Not with her anyway.” Shirley mutters below her breath.

"Not with me?" Christen raises an eyebrow.

"Too bad, it would be nice for the file."

“I’ll have you know you’re missing out on a good time... both of you.” Christen clarifies.

"No, but I really want that good time!” Tobin whines. 

Shirley cocks her head to side examining Christen. "May not be the worst idea, come to think of it.”

"NO ONE IS HAVING THREESOMES," Tobin yells.

Maryan pulls a bag of popcorn out of her desk drawer.

"Shut up Tobin," Shirley and Christen say in unison.

“I didn’t even say anything!”

"Hey Christen, this may be a wild idea but how about we go out some time? Seems like Tobin and Maryan have a lot to talk about still, can I buy you a drink?"

Christen sizes up the woman in the chair across from her and smiles sweetly, "I think that's a good idea."

"I'M PAYING YOU TO—!" Tobin interrupts, gesturing between them and looking at Maryan.

Maryan offers her a bag of popcorn. “Tough blow, kiddo.”

"Guess your payment has been declined, Tobin," Shirley says with a smirk as she takes Christen’s hand and leads her out of the office.


End file.
